These are two scarves I made this summer. I'm going to keep the orange and pink one (Rowan Classic CashSoft DK, 3x3 ribbing) and give the manly one to my grandfather (Brown Sheep's Cotton Fleece, 5X3 ribbing).

What I'm about to say will sound awful and self-centered, but here goes. As if I hadn't had enough anguish over grandparents this year, my grandfather (John Pinter) fell and cracked his hip. He needed surgery but not a replacement. Now he's in a rehab home and is improving. I'm relieved to hear that he's still his same cornball self, lauging at everything and making up the most elaborate, goofy jokes that take what seems like half an hour to tell. He's 89 this year and just the same as ever. That's really a comfort.

Tonight, my mom made me cry over the stupidest thing: she asked what I'll be doing for Thanksgiving. Last year I went a bit nutty and made a big production. Grandma was in the nice rehab home, but she was feeling pretty down. In retrospect, it wasn't as bad as she eventually got, but it was bad enough. I made her relinquish her recipe for out-of-the-bird stuffing and got up too early to overcook the turkey (in my own defense not too much at all). I made multiple pies and dished two kinds of cranberry sauce into the special dish she always uses for it. I stuffed celery and forgot to make mashed potatoes.

She was happier that day than we'd seen her in a long time, she was actually smiling and making conversation. She was sitting in the rocking chair and kept saying that things were really great. She ate a huge plateful of dinner and then had three pieces of pie. At the funeral, my aunt Pat told me how happy that had made her. I was so touched, I just wanted things to be the same for her.

When Mom asked me about this year, I realized that I just didn't want to do anything. After my grandfather died right before my 13th birthday I didn't have a party for years. Since I've always spent the holiday at Grandma's, it's hard to think of another place I'd want to be, yet the idea of trying to have a holiday when all my out-of-town relatives will be elsewhere is equally bleak.

I haven't come to any resolution over this whole thing. I think I'll probably end up agonizing over it only to choose something by default which will be ultimately unsatisfying.